Intimacy Issues

The only reason I’m with you is because I know I can’t have you, because if I could have you I probably wouldn’t want you.

Intimacy issues…

the cycle continues.

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Intimacy Issues

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“There will always be obstacles to overcome in life; hurdles to our success, I pray that You give me the wisdom to prioritize, and the strength to choose me, choose my purpose, choose my path.”

Alicia Calderon~

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Marriage?

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I spoke to my older sister today and I realized that although marriage is a sacred value of mine I’ve never really desired to get married, not once!  I have a deep respect for the institution, however bad experiences with men caused me to lose interest a long time ago.

Earlier today I spoke to another friend and she was telling me about this one guy she always sees at the gym who annoys her to no end, constantly bothering her for her phone number, and a chance to get to know her. Well, she happened to see this same guy while out at a party this past weekend with a childhood friend of ours, except he was introduced as the brother in-law who happened to marry this same friend’s sister the previous week! (Men I tell you).

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I’ve only seen the qualities I’m really looking for in one man, except, I later found out I was the side chick, so actually that doesn’t count. Lmao! We actually went to Jamaica together, and I quickly seen that all I was to him was a deleted text message away from being non-existent, (SMH). I don’t know if he knew, that I knew what he was doing every time he took the phone and left the room, but inside I knew he was leaving the room to speak to his ‘girl’, leaving me alone with my thoughts, wondering, what the hell I was doing there. It was this trip I told myself I’m better than being a “mistress”; and with that my mind was made up…I was done.

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As funny as this may sound, this was the first time in my adult life that I realized I deserve to be loved; I deserve to be put first, I deserve to be respected as a woman, and most of all, I deserve it from myself. So yes, marriage is an institution I deeply respect, I just haven’t found a man that I’m willing to respect it with.

Alicia Calderon~

Marriage?

What Price Are You Willing To Pay For Love?

lovvvI don’t want to sound like a hypocrite because I’ve been guilty of this before, but sometimes I see ladies with, worthless, unemployed, broke, dependant, guys who treat them like crap, and I think to myself “what price are you willing to pay for love?” I feel sorry for women who feel they need that “coveted” phrase, “my boyfriend” as a part of their vocabulary; or women who are with the scum of the earth in exchange for sex, love, and companionship, who allow relationships to define who they are as women. No Mam, I’m not willing to take care of a grown ass man, lend him my car or credit score, take out a phone in my name, let him live with me for free, and treat me like I’m his mama…draining me spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially, just to say “I have a boyfriend”. No mam I am NOT willing to pay for love, I’d rather love myself!

Conversations with Myself~

What Price Are You Willing To Pay For Love?

The New Garden of Eden

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Is Apple the new temptation in the garden of life?

Similar to the apple in the Garden of Eden, Apple is tempting us to take a bite of the fruit between good and evil, daily hypnotising us into walking zombies in trance, neglecting everything of importance to follow its enchantment, putting technology, games, and social media first befor all.

It’s fascinating how most people in the world believe that the fruit Eve took part of in the Garden of Eden when tempted by the “evil snake” was an apple, much like the symbol on Apple products today. 

I now believe Apple is the new snake, enticing us to be unconsciously unaware of what’s happening in our world, compelling us to forsake all in devotion to its allure; and if left unchecked our lives will be a depiction of slavery to social media and apps, dedicated to the captivating worship of an IPhone, biting into the curse of brainwash.

Alicia Calderon~

The New Garden of Eden

Knowing His Presence

 
 
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~His presences, His Voice, it’s in the basic knowledge of right from wrong, it’s the peace that comes over you, the calm in the storm, (by storm I mean; fear, pain, that feeling of being overwhelmed and void). It’s the light in darkness, that softness and gentleness, it’s the tug at your heart that questions, that feeling in your gut something’s wrong, it’s discipline, the things you know within yourself you have to do, and if all this fails, it’s the truth, the plain simple truth~
 
Psalms of Alicia Calderon~
Knowing His Presence